Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways – conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural environment. That is not who they are, but there is who they appear to be. When you judgement people you give them a conceptual identity, and that false identity becomes a prison not only for the other person but also for yourself.

To let go of judgment does not mean that you don’t see what they do. It means that you recognize their behaviour as a form of conditioning, and you see it and accept it as that. You don’t construct an identity out of it for that person. That liberates you as well as the other person from identification with conditioning. The ego then no longer runs your relationships. As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from the other person.

How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationship. Love does not want or fear anything. The ego doesn’t like to hear this, because if it can not be reactive and righteous anymore, it will lose strength.

Self creates Suffering
Much suffering, much unhappiness arises when you take each thought that comes into your head for the truth. Situations don’t make you unhappy. They may cause you physical pain, but they don’t make you unhappy. Your thoughts make you unhappy. Your interpretations, the stories you tell yourself make you unhappy.

The pain that you create now is always some form of non acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. People also know from their own experience how easily and quickly an intimate relationship can turn from a source of pleasure to a source of pain.

verything you give you give to yourself
To release your anger it helps to understand what anger truly is. Anger is a defensive response to a hurt, upset, guilty feeling or heartbreak. Anger is the ego’s attempt to make someone pay for how they made you feel, hoping that they will see the error of their ways, apologise, be remorseful and cease hurting you.

Anger is an attempt to make someone else feel guilty, and thus control them to change into how you would like them to be. Nobody wants to be made guilty and controlled into submission.

And learn to be with your emotions, not become them. This translates into greater peace and awareness in everyday life, strengthening your capacity to transform the habitual patterns.