They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are in love, but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency. It seems that most love relationships become love/hate relationships before long. Love can then turn into savage attack, feeling of hostility, or complete withdrawal of affection at the flick of a switch. And it is easier to recognise the source of negativity in your partner than to see it in yourself. It can manifest in many forms: possessiveness, jealousy, control, withdrawal and unspoken resentment, the need to be right, insensitivity and self absorption, emotional demands and manipulation, the urge to argue, criticise, judge, blame, or attack, anger, unconscious revenge for past pain inflicted by a parent, rage and physical violence.
On the positive side, you are in love with your partner. This is at first a deeply satisfying state. You feel intensely alive. Your existence has suddenly become meaningful because someone needs you, wants you, and makes you feel special, and you do the same for him or her. When you are together, you feel whole. The feeling can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance. You become addicted to the other person. He or she acts on you like a drug. You are on a high when the drug is available, but even the possibility or the thought that he or she might no longer be there for you can lead to jealousy, possessiveness, attempts at manipulation through emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing fear of loss. If the other person does leave you, this can give rise to the most intense hostility or the most profound grief and despair. In an instant, loving tenderness can turn into a savage attack or dreadful grief. Where is the love now? Can love change into its opposite in an instant? Was it love in the first place, or just an addictive grasping and clinging?
You can not love your partner on moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If your love has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meet. But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs. The feelings of fear, pain, and lack that are an intrinsic part of ego consciousness but had been covered up by the love relationship now resurface. Just as with every other addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you. When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before, and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain. This attack may awaken the partner’s own pain, and he or she may counter your attack. At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce your partner to change their behaviour, so that it can use them again as a cover up for your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicts to alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. They do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.
Life is about relationship the relationship we have with ourselves, with each other, with the world. When our relationship are good, we feel good; when they are bad, we feel awful. Let’s accept it. We need each other. We need to feel connected; we need to feel each other’s presence and love. We lost sight of where we belong, and instead, we experience intense feelings of loneliness, and confusion. Trying to find the way back to our place in the whole is what the spiritual seeker’s search is all about. It represents a journey home to who we are.
How about you? Do you ever suffer from a sense that you are lost and wandering. The biggest problem facing the world today is not people dying in the street, and not inflation, but spiritual deprivation. This feeling of emptiness associated with feeling separated from the higher forces. And about the pain associated with feeling of isolation and separation. They can overtake any one of us in a heartbeat, even in the every midst of happiness and joy. Loneliness implies a lack of meaningful connection. We can feel separate and apart. Separate from what, we might ask? Separate from others, separate from ourselves, separate from the Divine, separate from meaning, separate from love. Separate from a sense of belonging. Don’t we all need to feel the light and warmth that emanates from others? Don’t we all want true love? Don’t we all hunger for genuine communication. When our relationship are superficial, we feel as though we are leading superficial lives; when our relationship reflect our deeper commitments and aspirations, we feel as though we are walking a more meaningful and satisfying path. Love comes through relating. That’s why we must connect. Greed, jealousy, fear, and the shadows of our personal histories often corrupt our need for romance, passion and love. We want personal connections that bring us the abundance and joy they initially promise. Evil often triumphs but never conquers. If the hand has no wound, one may even carry poison in it. Poison does not affect those free from wounds. Evil does not affect those who carry no evil.
My teacher often say: Sometime we know, sometime we don’t. Sometime we strong, sometime we wrong. Sometime we live, sometime we die. Sometime we give, sometime we wouldn’t. You only get it when you are still halfway. If you find that you have gone all the way, keep going. At the bottom of things, most people want to be understood and appreciated. Lady and gentleman ask yourself. who did you love today.